xdxsxrx

xdxsxrx @ 2009-01-23T11:49:00

2009-01-23T16:58:59Z

Believe it or not I survived the coming of the new year. Even if I did end up passed out in a ditch with no pants.... Hahaha. That sure would be funny eh? That's not exactly how it went down though. I kept my pants on. I can't really get a handle on what I wanna do lately. I'm bouncing back and forth between places and people. And then there's a part of me that misses you fuckers that read this thing so I thought I'd say hello. When I get some cash saved up I might drop by for a visit. I promise I'll let you know before I leave.

I've been jamming to old bullets lately. It kinda brings a shit-eating grin to my face. (But I would never wanna be the guy that actually has one of those.) Those were the days eh boys? Feels like an eternity ago to me.

Well anyway, I take too long to think about things I'm not gunna say and I'm sure my neighbor wants her computer back. (And her cat that has taken up residence on my lap...) Peace.

xdxsxrx @ 2008-10-01T10:37:00

2008-10-01T14:38:11Z

Hello again. I have commandeered a computer and connection once again. Anyway I don't have anything to say, I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive. I know I've been out of contact for a long ass time but I'm still breathing.

Actually I'm pretty much only posting this because yesterday I was at a stop light flipping through radio stations and that one song that says "I miss you like the deserts miss the rain." or some shit was playing and I remembered how T said that to me. I guess it was just one of those random moments that sticks in your head because it's so weird.

Take care kids.

Hey isn't it funny that I keep saying I'm alive, as if that's all I can think of to say. Although it pretty much is. Why did you kids make me get one of these things anyway?

xdxsxrx @ 2008-05-29T12:26:00

2008-05-29T16:36:41Z

Here's Johnny! ... Or Jamie... Well actually I'd have to kill anyone that called me Jamie. Hi guys... I'm back sorta. I know I have a habit of disappearing after every entry I post and I'm not likely going to break the cycle this time but I'm around. I'll call G, and the rest of y'all can get information from him. There's nothing going on with me. I gave up being sober awhile ago but you guys knew that. Actually this seems really pointless so I'll wrap it up. See ya around.

xdxsxrx @ 2008-03-03T12:53:00

2008-03-03T17:58:13Z

So I'm out of commission for awhile, laid up in bed and bored out of my mind. Two days ago I was at work, doing my thing when, outta nowhere a box full of shit fell on me. It broke a few of my ribs and, because I am one lucky guy, one of my ribs must've stabbed my lung or something. All I know is when i got the shit off me i couldn't breathe and then I passed out. Woke up in the hospital. Apparently they fixed me up and I have a huge bill to look forward to and a lot of bed rest to endure. I'm not very happy.

Who wants to come by and help me out? Nurse outfits optional.

xdxsxrx @ 2008-02-09T10:56:00

2008-02-09T16:03:15Z

So I checked my email... Lots of mail man... I didn't reply to most of it. Sorry.

Things are calm on the western front. But my stomach is growling, and I've got nothing in the cupboards. You would think I would slim down with my lack of food but no, I'm stuck like this forever. My fault for drinking too much beer, but whatever, I don't have the face of a male model anyway. Haha.

I am planning a trip. I guess I should ask for approval first. G, I want to see you. It's been awhile. (That sounds gay but isn't. Gay to follow.) I miss you.

T, your entries are too sad. You are a happy person, can I help you out somehow? I want you to be happy. A visit will make you happy right?

R, you are really hard to understand in your entries. Haha. I wanna see you too. Maybe you can actually tell me how you've been lately.

K, do you still exist? I wouldn't mind seeing you either, even if we don't know each other that well...

I hope I hear from you guys in a reasonable amount of time. I will try to check back soon, I know I'm bad at the whole internet thing so you can all shut your faces about that. Haha. Take care.

-J

xdxsxrx @ 2008-02-07T10:24:00

2008-02-07T15:25:30Z

Rise and shine bitch. I've been having a weird week. Hi G, T, R... What's up?

xdxsxrx @ 2008-01-14T19:49:00

2008-01-15T01:01:23Z

Well I'm back, in a manner of speaking. I have an internet connection I can easily steal.

How have you guys been? I am okay. I'm pretty bored with everything lately. It's really hard to stay motivated to stay sober when every day just seems like a senseless parade of the same stuff. At least when I was drunk all the time I had fun. More often than not it was at the expense of others though, so here I sit. I'm about 2 months sober and I guess I'm proud of that.

I moved again. I'm not really sure where I belong but I keep looking.

I feel like I'm totally not exciting or fun anymore. And it's weird because if I was a recluse before I am so much worse now. I have no where to go, bars are out of the question and I wouldn't dare go to a club. Ew. I suck at making friends without a beer in my hand to give me charisma. Haha. Oh well. I'm still an asshole so that's probably why. ;)

Looks like I better go. There's shit that needs to be done. That and I'm hungry. Damn, I don't remember the last time I had a meal that was cooked and not burned. I blow when it comes to cooking and it sure is hard to convince someone else to cook for me. Haha.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-10-27T14:01:00

2007-10-27T18:10:15Z

To tell the truth I don't know why I keep wandering back to this place. All I ever do is make things worse. I guess part of me, the one part that can still think when I'm smashed, tells me I need to come back. But drunken apologies mean nothing if five minutes later I start a fight.

G, I can't see you face to face. You know that because every time I do I do something stupid. I hope you're okay. I'm really sorry, you're right. I've destroyed myself. And you know what else, you keep telling me to get help and that's why I hurt you more. I guess all I need is a drink and a gutter to die in. You don't have to rescue me, you've got a replacement.

I'll leave for good this time. If I show up again just shove me back in my car. I'm sorry really. It means nothing but I'm sorry.

T, thanks for keeping me alive enough last night. I'm not sure you were doing the right thing but maybe it's better. Body disposal's a bitch huh? Oh... It was painkillers. Where do I even get this shit? It's disturbing to realize that something has become such a habit that you don't even realize you're doing it. That's probably how I hit rock bottom and dug myself further in.

Well see ya.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-10-13T12:05:00

2007-10-13T16:06:23Z

N's green dfairy blwos my mifnds. s'all thereeeee is to ist.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-10-02T07:52:00

2007-10-02T11:57:47Z

G, there is a lot I want to say to you but I don't remember it now. I kept trying to form the words to tell you what I thought I needed to say but no sound came out. I would wake you up and try to say them now but... well I don't remember. And I think I might studder. My brain still feels lagged and fuzzy and my fingers are having a hard time finding the keys anyway.

You're right though. I shouldn't do what I did. But I'm swapping one addiction for another on and off.

I know that even with the sincerest sentiment I will likely fuck up again. Maybe you should stop forgiving me. That way you can stop feeling disappointed.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-09-19T10:32:00

2007-09-19T14:39:37Z

Hey guys, can you believe it? I'm still alive. I'm not too sure whether or not that's a good thing but hey, like it or not that's it. I didn't go back on my word, I just needed some time to build up to it.

I have a hangover again. Back to my old bad habits. I think I spent about a week being consistantly sober. Well I'm an alcoholic so I guess it ain't a surprise it's the morning and I had a beer for breakfast.

I think this is called rock bottom. hah.

Hey G, you're a good guy. I think I keep meaning to tell you that but whenever I do I get mad and just yell at you or make fun of you. Character flaw!

If I weren't such a stubborn person I would admit I was lonely. Maybe I would try to do something about it. But I'm a stubborn person.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-07-12T19:34:00

2007-07-12T23:36:44Z

I have reasons for everything I do. I know I've upset a lot of people and I know that forgiveness is not something that's going to be dished out to me.

I've made my bed, now I'll lay in it. Or whatever the hell that saying is.

Yeah, I'm an asshole and if you hate me, so be it.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-07-04T00:04:00

2007-07-04T04:18:34Z

Hey guys. I know most of you personally so if you ever want to know something you can always just ask, I may not talk much but I appreciate actually being spoken to.

I have a motherfucking headache. Probably because I am coming off the accumulated hang over from about two weeks of drinking. It blows. I'm tired of being holed up in my room like a fuckin' looney... Even if I am one. I've decided that I should give my full attention to my career. I love the ladies but they don't love me. Shit. I've got nothing but bad luck with 'em. I still haven't talked to S since I found out some alarming shit about her and I. I tried to call her but I got nothing. Not a surprise really.

That guy... That motherfuckin' guy... He's just like the other one. Except less somehow. At least the other guy is good deep down. And not a sell out and an attention whore. But I really don't care now.

I sure hope this is good enough to keep you guys going for awhile again. I forgot all my passwords and accounts by now and I'm kinda glad about it. Now maybe I can stop...

???

xdxsxrx @ 2007-05-16T18:04:00

2007-05-16T18:06:22Z

My email inbox has a habit of intimidating me whenever I log on.

So I'm out of the loop again. Catch me up?

xdxsxrx @ 2007-04-16T16:56:00

2007-04-16T21:02:02Z

So S and I are no more. As if we ever were. I got sick of her bullshit. A girl that only crawls into bed with you when it's convenient for her and her hormones ain't worth it. Still I got a little bent out of shape by it and ended up hammered and kissing a man again. Fucking gay shit. I'm glad I'm usually drunk when I do it.

Due to my cruel nature I kicked the shit out of G and then kicked the shit out of his ego. I still feel bad. I didn't mean for it to go that way. I just have a lot of bad habits. And I'm a mean motherfucker. But I'm pretty sure we're good now. Maybe I'm not so good but he knows I didn't mean it. I'm all fucked up guys.

T gave me some badass pins.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-04-05T18:10:00

2007-04-05T22:16:48Z

I don't have anything to say. Though I am using a kid as my desk to hold the laptop. She said she was cold. Ahahaaa serves her right... That was weird. Everyone I know just keeps getting weirder. I still wanna watch the ~~strippers~~ wanna-be pussy cat dolls show with T... I don't think we will ever get to. Dammit.

I feel sick. I am slightly hungover. I gotta stop drinking as much as I do... But then again it's too damn fun to stop. I just have to find a way to get people to stop worrying. Maybe I'll invite them to come with me. Come drinking with me R, T! It'll be okay, I'll buy and then no one will question your ages... I hope. Maybe you both look too young and pretty to be drinking with someone like me though. Hah.

Well there. Somewhat of an update. I'm out. Peace.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-03-21T18:19:00

2007-03-21T18:20:58Z

St. Pat's Day rocked. N gave me absinthe after I humiliated myself for it. There was much drinking with the boys and plenty of good times had.

Hope you all had good times too.

I'm always hungry lately. T, gimme that Mac & cheese!

xdxsxrx @ 2007-03-08T19:06:00

2007-03-08T19:10:21Z

So between work and this tiny bit of a social life I entertain I haven't had much time to tinker around with my computer. Not that it matters too much anyway, I've got nothing much to check up on. I hope you ladies are well. Let it be known that I miss ya. I'm around so drop me a line okay?

Hey T, we didn't watch that show with the ~~strippers~~ wannabe pussy cat dolls. I was looking forward to admiring those girls and their wonderful personalities with ya. ;) I'm hungry again too. Now would be a good time for that Mac and cheese.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-02-23T18:46:00

2007-02-23T18:53:32Z

I have a church song stuck in my head. Maybe not a church song... It's a slave spiritual. And it says Jesus a lot. That blows. Not that I have a problem with Jesus. I just don't like that type of music. So lately things have been pretty calm. I haven't heard much from S. Last time I saw her she said she was getting attached. Hmmmm. I'm not sure how to take that. I'm also apparently very understanding... in bed. That's funny. I suppose being down to earth gets you points with the ladies.

Score one for me. Figuratively of course. I'll score me some later. Haven't had much of an appetite for it lately. And I wonder... am I sick? A.g.a.i.n... ??? I hope not. Though I am very hungry so I think I'm going to go make some food. Probably out of a can. Unless any of you girlies wanna come feed me? You know you miss me. I haven't spoken to any of you lately. What gives?

xdxsxrx @ 2007-02-12T21:19:00

2007-02-13T02:19:18Z

The ladies who like to harass me into updating took a little vacation so I got one too. Damn. That's over. Oh well. I forgot what I had to say anyway. I got my hair cut? I just got my ear bitten pretty damn hard... ??? Sure. That's all. Oh. and S got into a bit of trouble. Being drunk can do that to you if you don't know how to handle yourself. Poor girl.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-02-06T00:22:00

2007-02-06T05:31:41Z

I've got a nice buzz going. But it's not great enough to make me not hate this shit. And stop rubbing my leg G. S is good in beeeed. But uhm we're not d-a-t-i-n-g. We both have our own animalistic urges. Which are satisfied in the beeedroom. Anyway, she still wants in N's pants so bad it's almost funny. I don't really care. She calls me "the american." Sweet huh? I'm more than a little buzzed. I guess. G is hitting on me. help. OR messing with me I guess. HOLY FUCK! Did you guys see that it's like negative-something degrees? Ewwww. I hope I don't have to go out in that. I hope I don't have to get up tomorrow.

I miss the boys. Lets all party again soon. The weekend isn't too far away.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-02-02T17:52:00

2007-02-02T22:57:36Z

Again I'm forced into this. Damn you girlies. And one boy? Anyway I had a wild night last night. Almost one week from "meeting" S for the first time. I think I deserve some credit. See G, I can get some whenever I want. So ha. I have nothing else worthwhile to say. I'm sick and it's a pain in the ass.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-01-30T19:06:00

2007-01-30T19:08:01Z

Toshi, Ruu, I think you guys got me sick. That blows.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-01-29T19:57:00

2007-01-30T01:01:59Z

I'm so abused. I have to post again, if I don't I'll get shot. Again. Dammit. N's friend S came over today because I called her. I had her number but I didn't really remember why. Because surprise surprise, she was not the one I was talking to. I was hitting on a fucking man. Goddamn it. Though, again in my defense, fucking smashed. And I swear he had boobs. Ew. Anyway, S is very attractive, and very friendly. After talking awkwardly for just a little bit she threw herself into my arms because she is japanese and they "glomp" people. Sweet. I'm gunna go back to Japan, if that can happen more often.

xdxsxrx @ 2007-01-28T12:29:00

2007-01-28T17:45:12Z

Ho-ly shit. Had a good night last night. Got together with a huge mass of people. We took up most of the bar. G, J, M, T, B, N, and all his crazy ass friends (whose names I couldn't pronounce, and especially not after all the alcohol.) and a few others. Off the top of my head, I don't really know. We all got shitfaced though. It had been awhile. I'm not too sure what we did. HA. I think we all made it out of the bar and caused some havoc around town. N scared me a bit though. He's too skinny, too tall and too crazy. And if I'm saying that it's gotta mean something. I'm not so much concerned about that though, just that I was sure he'd snap in half, or get the shit kicked out of him. Hahahaaa. G, B, and I enjoyed watching everyone else get drunk first. Damn our tolerance for that shit. But still, funny shit. And goddamn T is always hilarious. Still, it started innocently enough. I slept until about eleven today. Thanks to G's magic pills my hangover is not too bad.

I have a problem though, why do people from Japan have names that are so fucking long and confusing? Like I'm going to remember Noshiyasomatsuwatasru. Or whatever. DAMN ANDROGYNY! Apparently I could have been hitting on a man... Or so says Toshi. Ewwwwwwwww. At least I was druuuuuunk by that time. I think I may still have her number, I'll ask N later if he remembers.

Thank you Toshi for the hot, naked girls too.